|
Enduring Love
Patient
endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then
you will receive all that he has promised.
(Hebrews 10:36 NLT)
I sit on the edge of my husband’s hospital bed, holding his
hand and stroking his face. The room is lit only by the soft glow of the
streetlights filtering through the bay window. I am silent, drinking in. the
love that we have shared over a lifetime of living together. It is a mystery —
how in the midst of his dying I can feel our shared love, our shared lives so
poignantly and passionately while simultaneously withdrawing emotional energy
from our relationship.
He will soon be moving to Heaven and I will be here, a
widow endowed with the challenge and the gift of creating a life for myself
without him. Questions race through my mind with the speed of an Olympic
downhill racer. What will I do? How will I find solace? Who will walk with me on
my journey? Strangely enough I have not asked the question “Why me?” I already
know the answer to that question — “Why not me?”
He speaks: “Are you feeling sad or scared?” ‘No”, I reply.
‘I just wanted to hold your hand to feel your presence, drink in our love”. It
is a melancholy moment, one filled with passionate love, reverberant joy, and
the deepest sorrow I have ever felt. It is one of those peak experiences in life
that is accentuated by the quietness of the evening, filled with the love of a
shared lifetime, and slowly moving towards the final curtain closing.
He smiles, “Well, just remember you have Odin”, Odin, my
German Sheppard puppy. I, the cat lover, who swore that no dog would ever enter
my home, have purchased a dog. Not just a dog, but a puppy. I know nothing, zip,
zilch, nada about training a puppy. I don’t even like dogs. I love
my cat Nala. She is independent, asks nothing of me except that I keep her
food dish filled. Occasionally, she will give me permission to pet her, but only
when she wants to be petted. And now, in the midst of my husband’s dying I have
a puppy.
Odin, is the recipient of my emotional energy that I am
withdrawing from my husband. He is a quiet dog that demands nothing, but he is
there to listen to me, to love me, to redirect me. How does Odin know what I
need at the moment I need it? It is a mystery, the depths of which I shall never
be able to plummet. Yet, I am thankful that this mystery is presently operating
in my life.
Odin is always by my side. He follows me from room to room.
I find myself talking to him as if he were a human being. I tell him of my joys,
my sorrows, my dreams, and my fears. He listens; he licks my hand
and waits patiently for me to pet him. Somehow he senses my need for
unconditional love and acceptance. He senses my need for reassurance that my
life will not only continue, but that at some future point I will again live
fully and joyously. He is helping me make the transition. He cannot
replace my husband; no one can replace my husband. But Odin has my energy, my
time, and my attention. He needs me to give to him as much as he gives to me. He
is mine and he is teaching me patient endurance and hope.
It never ceases to amaze me the avenues through which God
shows us His unfailing love. “Remember me in the light of your unfailing love,
for you are merciful, O Lord (Psalms
25: 7 NLT). I thank you Lord that
in the midst of my grief and sorrow l can feel your unfailing love, that “The
Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness all who keep his covenant and
obey his demands (Psalms
25: 10
NLT). There is no limit to the creative power of our Lord, and no limit in his
reaching out to comfort us. Thank you. Lord for the gift of Odin.
For your encouragement,
Ann E. Van Dyke
|
Ann E. Van Dyke
http://www.amourningdevotional.com
Mourning Glory – A Devotional for
Grieving is a book for
helping those struggling through a loss and looking for support and
comfort.
Ann holds a Masters degree in psychology
and is a licensed addictions counselor. |
Please feel free
to contact us if you would like to submit an article for our
site. |
 ISBN:0-9716511-6-7
Soft cover, 224 pages |
"Your devotional book, Mourning Glory,
is excellently done, and you can be very proud of your accomplishment. I know it
will be an excellent resource for Christians who are suffering through
bereavement."
Andrea Gambill, Editor
Grief
Digest Magazine
"I so enjoyed laughing and crying reading this
deeply honest and inspirational book. The authors share great wisdom of life’s
sorrows and grief, but remind us through touching experiences and thought
provoking scripture how we are truly blessed.
Mourning Glory truly reveals God’s Glory!
Thank you! Thank you!" - Jayne Hause
|
