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LIBERATION
It is one thing to be free; it is quite another
to be liberated. Liberation implies that freedom was absent for a time, and
there was bondage. Freedom is sweeter by far after liberation! We may not always
think about it quite this way, but grief has both the power to bind and the
power to liberate from bondage.
In one shattering, life-splintering moment, our
world crumbled, and life as we knew it was forever altered! A person we loved
supremely had died. When lives become inexorably intertwined in the bonds of
love, there can be no separation without agony. In that first awareness of our
pain, many of us believed that we could never recover, that our own lives could
never go on, that we would never be the same again. We were right on the last
count. We never will be the same again.
But maybe we shouldn't make an end run for the
goal of "being the same." After the massive blow of initial grief, we stand
stripped bare of all the accouterments that family, society and culture have
wrapped us in from the day we were born. Confronted by death, we suddenly see
life in a totally different way than we ever considered it before.
Gradually, as the merciful scar tissue of healing softens the pain of our
wounds, we begin to realize that we are different, and in
that difference there is freedom.
Many of the things we used to think were
important are now irrelevant. Previous goals and opportunities are now limp,
meaningless, empty and discarded. But as we lose interest in many of the things
that formerly seemed so life-enhancing, we discover new values and priorities.
At last we are liberated from the bondage of
competition. If we were formerly obsessed with the fastest, the most expensive,
the biggest, the newest, the most beautiful, the most powerful, we now know how
empty and futile those victories can be. In our "other lives," we believed we
had to belong to the right organizations, attend the right schools, live in the
right neighborhoods, work in the right jobs, wear the right clothes, have the
right opinions. Now, some of the things that were "right" are wrong, and some
just simply don't matter anymore. Grief has liberated us from those masters.
We have a new freedom to challenge old ideas and
goals, to attempt new ventures, to confront old relationships, to develop and
explore latent skills and talents. No longer are we burdened and shackled by
"should" and "ought."
We have the freedom to be wrong. While we are no
longer "right" as often as we used to be, when we are right, we're more certain
and less abusive about it.
We have been liberated from inhibition and
self-consciousness. The strength born of our pain has given us the courage to
speak out when before we might have been silent. We no longer fear the criticism
and judgment of others. Who can hurt us now? We have experienced the worst and
survived. Sorrow has stripped away those fears. Now, we are more aware of the
panorama of life and less concerned with our own little piece of it.
We have discovered the freedom to express our
affection for others freely, even lavishly. We are acutely aware that there may
be no more chances to say "Goodbye," or, "I love you," one more time.
We are free to develop a new acquaintance with
our inner selves. Often we have a keener awareness of the "still, small voice"
within. We hear our directions with more sensitivity and trust. We are more
aligned with our spiritual connections and perhaps less impressed with
"religion." We have learned to appreciate wisdom above knowledge.
We have the freedom to appreciate time in a new
value system. Our experience has taught us to view time with a new fragility,
because we know how easily and quickly it can seem to end.
We have the freedom to have an open mind.
Previously, we may have made concrete and inviolate decisions about anything
ranging from breakfast cereal to eternal destiny. Now, we are more cautious,
ready to hear another point of view. Where we used to have all the answers, now
we just have all the questions.
But our new ability to confront, attempt and
dare-to-try is also tempered and softened by our heightened awareness of the
preciousness of life and love. Our values now direct us to try our new wings
with graciousness, tenderness for the feelings of others, and with compassion –
always with compassion.
Finally, we have achieved a freedom from the
fear of death. We can now look Death squarely in the eye and know that there is
no more intimidation. No longer are we afraid. Death had one trump card, and now
that it's been played, we stand in the victor's circle.
With liberation, we are free to live and work
and advocate in memory of our absent loved ones for whatever time we remain here
on Earth. And when it's our turn to be called away, we will leave behind an
ongoing legacy of freedom for those we love who yet remain.
Yes, in liberation, there is peace.
For your encouragement,
Andrea Gambill
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