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Waiting
How long, 0 Lord, must I call for help,
but you do not listen? (Habakkuk 1:2 NIV)
How many, many
times I have felt like the prophet Habakkuk, crying out to God and feeling as if
I am not being heard. Time and time again I have begged for relief, for an
answer, for strength to go on. I do not want my beloved to die. I do want this
illness to end. It is a constant struggle and I pray and pray and pray. Like the
Psalmist, I cry out to the Lord:
My soul is in anguish. How long, 0 Lord,
how long? (Psalm 6:3 NIV)
This continual
waiting brings me to my knees on a daily basis. I pray to God quoting scripture
and wait in patient expectation for some kind of response, for an answer to my
prayers. I have an answer all picked out: my beloved will be healed of ALS. We
will resume our former lives. We will go camping, hiking, fishing, canoeing,
dancing, and walking. I know the answer I want, but is it the answer God will
give me? Questions and doubts flood my mind and I quote scripture:
I lift up my eyes to the hills — where
does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and
earth (Psalm 121: 1-2 NIV).
One of my
favorite places to go is Red Rocks Park. There is a place in the park that I
call the high picnic ground. From there I can look out over the whole valley.
Often deer can be seen grazing on the hillside. I go there to refresh myself and
to pray, to talk to and listen to God. He does answer me, not always with the
answer that I think He should give me; but He does answer me with what will help
me to cope with ALS and to grow through this terrible time.
Will my beloved
be healed? The answer is a resounding yes. I am already seeing healing in his
heart, his mind and his spirit. I have seen changes in him that could only come
from God. He is more gentle, kind, patient, open, sincere, and loving. God is
healing and growing him spiritually. Will my beloved be healed physically? I
believe the answer to that is yes, but I may have to accept that he will have to
move to heaven to receive that healing. I rail against him leaving me and moving
to heaven and I cry out to the Lord. Every day he prays:
Heal me, 0 Lord, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise (Jer. 17:14 NIV).
I pray the sane scripture with a slightly
different twist, I substitute him, my beloved, for me. I cry out: “heal him, 0
Lord, please heal him. I see that healing in his spirit, his mind, but not yet
in his body. And I must trust in the Lord. If I didn’t trust God, I would have
“caved in” a long time ago. Four years is a long time to battle a terminal
illness and this past year has been devastatingly long. He has slowly,
ever so slowly, been getting weaker and we have learned to pray:
And we know that all things work together
for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose
(Rom. 8:28 KJV).
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and
he shall direct thy paths (Prov. 3: 5-6 KJV).
We do not understand all of God’s purpose and
plan for our lives, but we know and trust the Lord. We have learned to start and
end every day praising and thanking the Lord for the blessing and miracle of
another day to share with each other and with our Lord. What our Lord has said
is true.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give
you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled
and do not be afraid (John 14:27 NIV).
Thank you Lord that we can believe you, trust
you, and depend upon you to guide us through the storms of life.
For your encouragement,
Ann E. Van Dyke
|
Ann E. Van Dyke
http://www.amourningdevotional.com
Mourning Glory – A Devotional for
Grieving is a book for
helping those struggling through a loss and looking for support and
comfort.
Ann holds a Masters degree in psychology
and is a licensed addictions counselor. |
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